Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

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(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

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Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!