Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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As original as things get: Pickup in the future! Android: Greetings Alpha six zero zero,requesting access code for insertion of my intercourse-D.I.C.K card into your V.A.G 2.0 intercourse receiver! Another Android: Access granted Zero six nine eight, engaging card...System! Deactivate mini-android production systems and engage cooldown systems to avoid critical overheats, lubricate essentials for easy access, I have no entry code, engage at once! Moral: I honestly thought it would end up in failure, but damn androids are easy!

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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Boy- I'm heading back to my place. Want to come? Girl-Sorry you strike me as a person who cums all by himself.

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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-Hi miss are you a catchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hotdog to you

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

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My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

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Girl: I AM SICK of being with you! All you do is invite me to watch sports, and all you have ever treated me to is a six pack of beer and snacks! YOU NEVER TAKE ME SOMEWHERE NICE! Man: Hey hold one man! Get a grip! What do you mean? Girl: We have been dating for over 3 weeks and you have not made a single move on me! Man: Uh... this is awkward buddy, you see I am straight and... Girl: I AM A WOMAN! Man: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? Really?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!! I mean you have short hair and the biggest mantits I have seen but... Girl: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Man; But hey, if you have a pussy that is the important par... Hey where did he... I mean she or... whatever go?

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2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

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hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!