Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

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Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

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Dont people ever get tired of PRETENDING like they dont need others aproval? I NEED APPROVAL I NEED APPROVAL! Moral: I REALLY DO! YEEEEEEEEES BECAUSE...Uh...you matter more than me? Nah, nothing like that, only I matter more than you...

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You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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Guy:I got stds! Wanna do it? Girl:what the f*** did u just say?guy:oh std ummmm save the dogs?uh ya that save the dogs I own a animal shelter! Girl:I'm not stupid guy: u sure? (Slap)

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!