-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

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Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

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why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

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Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!