Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

So, you're a girl, huh?

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

For the males that do not know what I mean with "woman screams" comment below... well HAHAHAHAHAH LOSERS LOOOOOOOOOOOSEEEEEEEEERS! Moral: Read a book about females more interesting parts one day you lazy bastard... as for the girls... I am not talking about anything bad nor dirty... just 12 hour orgasms and such nice things... WHAT? YOU GONNA TELL ME THAT IS HORRIBLE? Well in that case you dont know what you are missing... and you wont ever know.... Ps: Can you believe I am actually trying to get thumbs downs but keep getting upped? Thanks for accepting my ever growing controversial nature, lets keep it that way and soon moral man will uh... receive a medal for uh... well a small keychain for... uh... you know what? Never mind.

Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

Pointless truth? Man: Hey, there is always a really slutty dressed woman at every bar with a cowboy hat, fake tits and really spread legs, why? Woman: To get ignored. Moral: SUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!

-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

Male: I'd give her one Female: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person on earth Male: I was rating you out of 10 you ugly bitch

Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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