(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

free candy....

I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

My therapist says I should meet new people.

Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

I have never dated a horse-faced woman before :)

Boy : Gurle: hi

You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

-Hi miss are you a catchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hotdog to you

-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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