- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! walks away disgusted Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch flushes the toilet

Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book