- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

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Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

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girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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Woman: Hey hot stuff! Are you new around he... Man: Eh, I am not comfortable with women hitting on me, even hot ones like you, its just uh... awkward and... Woman: uh sorry, its not like I was hitting on you nor anything ;), Why dont you hit on me? Man: Uh... I err.. how you... uh... *the guy proceeds to stare at the floor for the next five minutes then runs out crying* Moral: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD!

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I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

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Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!