- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

Man: Hey you look good enough to do Woman: Oh really because so does my 8 foot boyfriend. Man: ... Woman: Do you want me to pick him up from the gym?

Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

Pointless truth? Man: Hey, there is always a really slutty dressed woman at every bar with a cowboy hat, fake tits and really spread legs, why? Woman: To get ignored. Moral: SUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!

HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book