And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

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(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

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Woman: Hey hot stuff! Are you new around he... Man: Eh, I am not comfortable with women hitting on me, even hot ones like you, its just uh... awkward and... Woman: uh sorry, its not like I was hitting on you nor anything ;), Why dont you hit on me? Man: Uh... I err.. how you... uh... *the guy proceeds to stare at the floor for the next five minutes then runs out crying* Moral: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD!

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Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!