Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

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-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

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Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

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Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

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Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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I think I shit myself

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!