Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

thumb_up thumb_down -29

girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

thumb_up thumb_down -31

My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

thumb_up thumb_down +20

GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Actor walks in street... Woman: HEY ITS YOU! THE GUY THAT PLAYED GANDALF THE GAY!... Uh I mean Gandalf the GRAY! Actor: WRONG WOMAN! I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNETISM! Moral: Please take no insult Esteemed Mr.Ian McKellen you are a fantastic actor... as for the rest of you, feel free to feel as insulted as you want... I mean its your own trucking choice :P.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Eat me, I'm organic!

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

thumb_up thumb_down +97

M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

thumb_up thumb_down +97

-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

thumb_up thumb_down +27

free candy....

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!