And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Man: What did you say this horrible machine did look like? Woman: It was terrible it was like a man sized yellow and red robot that shoot lasers! After I refused its offer to come home with him he shoot lasers and destroyed my house... buah ;( ;( Man: That is terrible! Despicable! We have to do something about this! Such a beautiful supermodel should never go trough such a terrible atrocity! Woman: Buah... sigh... sniff... I know... but it was terrible! Man: so so my lady... you can come live with me in my giant mansion and we can have a couple of drinks to calm your nerves and relax... ;) Woman: Thank you Mr.Stark... Man: Oh Just call me Iron Ma... I mean Tony!

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

thumb_up thumb_down -30

male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Sorry Nero, this is still Golgo 12, I am trying to reach you here as the other place is down, I can see why some people consider you insane, sorry to admit I left the order by the time you left as well, Eliza was the only one that could keep up with your stuff, the rest well you know... So point zero is some kind of elysum now huh? For real? And you rule there? I mean I never doubted your wisdom, but six million people living some kinda new world order at point zero? Thats hard to believe.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

thumb_up thumb_down -15

-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

thumb_up thumb_down -37

there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

thumb_up thumb_down -77

There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

thumb_up thumb_down +106

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!