Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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Man: Wow girl, you are so hot you remind me of my wife when she was young.. wanna come to my place for a quick one before she comes back? Girl: Sigh... this AGAIN? I told you! If you are gonna get that drunk, get out of our home and go to a bar daddy!

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!