Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

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Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

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Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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-Hi miss are you a catchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hotdog to you

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!