-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

thumb_up thumb_down +33

did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

thumb_up thumb_down +110

girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

thumb_up thumb_down -78

man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

thumb_up thumb_down -108

Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

thumb_up thumb_down +155

If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Twinkle winkle little star, cuz my star is what you are... Moral: Heh, that one might actually work if you do it spontaneously and mean it, damn I keep failing at making bad pickuplines, I am so good I cannot fail! I WANT TO FAIL! (Legal disclaimer: Not really I just go hi-wire after... "flirting" yeaaaaaaah lets be subtle now "Moral" Man)

thumb_up thumb_down +51

"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

thumb_up thumb_down

Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!