I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

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Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

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Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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M:HEY BABY! Where you from? W: Im a lesbian.. M: COOL! So which part of Lesbia are you from?

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Like my status for a tbh? Cause to be honest you are the prettiest girl I ever met ;) Like MY status for a tbh? cause to be honest, thats old and No one gets on Facebook. Twitter all the way :p Oh did I say prettiest? I meant b*tchiest you are horrible at comebacks. So your dumb too! -__________-

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Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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I've got candy.

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!