Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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whats up ho

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

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Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

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MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!