Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

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Man enters bar: Man: I AM MORAL MAN! My spear shall cut down the zealots, and my shield shall block (yeah you wish) be used as a additional weapon to push people down so I can thrust my spear even deeper into their hatred filled hearts! Woman: WOW! Moral: This pickup line wont work of course... not for you you aren`t the one and only EPIC: MORAL MAN! ;) Aka Epic man to those that still fail to understand that my morals are morals for a new order! No more religious wars, no more pedophiles, no more hatecrime... stand by me, and I shall not only speak for you, but also fight for you!

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Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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Young man: Hey I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so I wondered if you wanna come home and have hardcore sex and... Mature woman: HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING! IM YOUR MOTHER! Young man: As I said mom... I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so... Moral: Hentai keeping families together since forever...

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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I'll eat your poop

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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He says: Are you're from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. She says: Well, if we're making bad jokes: Are you from Illinois? Because you make me ill, and when I throw up from your face I'll make a lot of nois.

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girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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Girl: If you was a rollercoaster...I'd ride you all day long.. Guy: What? Am I not big enough for you now...why can't you just be happy with me... =_= Girl: : / I was tring to be all sexy in a cute way... Guy: Pfft. FREAK... e_e

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

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Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

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Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!