Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

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Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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A modified classic, props to the original poster: Man: Ask me out! Woman: Ok, get out! Man: No no, I said ASK me out. Woman: Okay... will you please get out? Man: No but thanks for asking me out, I am so gonna tell your friends how I rejected you asking me out. Moral: When beaten... THERE IS NO BEATING! If negative people can turn everything into a loss, thinking positive call help you turn anything into victory. I mean Hitler murdered millions right? Arent you happy (Jew or not), that it was not you? VICTORY! (if somehow Pyrrhic depending on how you turn on it... But if you wanna turn a gain to a pain, go ahead...)

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Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!