- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh

Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book