Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

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Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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Girl: If you was a rollercoaster...I'd ride you all day long.. Guy: What? Am I not big enough for you now...why can't you just be happy with me... =_= Girl: : / I was tring to be all sexy in a cute way... Guy: Pfft. FREAK... e_e

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The anti pickup line hard to believe: Woman: Me so hony! Me wan lose virginity to you! I make free love for hours! Man: Wow, are you that popular Asian supermodel known for her enormous tits? I heard you really are virgin! Damn I am single and all but I kinda promised my ex girlfriend I would help her get back together with the guy she cheated on me with. Woman: But me so hony! I wait for u for many many long time! But I wait for u only for a month is looong time! Man: Eh, I kinda promised I would fix her washing machine too, and then I have to cut her grandmothers toenails and... Anyways sorry I cant this month :( Moral: Yeah like that is ever going to happen! (then again I tend to expect too much)

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Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!