Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

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hey bitch

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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whats up ho

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!