Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

Man- How much do 2 polar bears weigh? Woman- I don't know? Man- Enough to break the ice, heyy.(;

-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!