I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

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Like my status for a tbh? Cause to be honest you are the prettiest girl I ever met ;) Like MY status for a tbh? cause to be honest, thats old and No one gets on Facebook. Twitter all the way :p Oh did I say prettiest? I meant b*tchiest you are horrible at comebacks. So your dumb too! -__________-

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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M:HEY BABY! Where you from? W: Im a lesbian.. M: COOL! So which part of Lesbia are you from?

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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I've got candy.

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Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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hey bitch

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!