Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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Man... MAN! Sorry if I just skimmed that last message dude, but if you getting me that shit, you are my fucking God, you got a new custom engine or something? Whatever man, im getting over there right now, Son, I might actually try the towing trick, because that might make me arrive at your place (no worries wont tell anyone where your playboy mansion is at) but you still got it there right? MORAL MORAL MORAL MORAL... Oh and no, id never ever use that piece of shit I used to call a car in the forest, if you are serious man, ill take the damn cab! I mean man, I just cant wait to tell the beardy little faggot at the carshop to stick that yeah "car" up his gay ass! Seriously dude, my phone aint working but that can wait, you really mean I can have the car? Seriously, how much? I got some money.

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Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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Sung to the melody of Ozzy`s: "Moral Man" HEES THE MORAL MAN, IIIS HEE MORAL OR IS HE DEAD? HEES THE MORAL MAN AAARE THERE MORALS INSIDE HIS HEEAD. Moral: NOOO THERE ISNT! ONLY IMMORAL INSIDE! AND ILL KEEP POSTING, ONLY TO CRUSH YOUR INSIDES! *guitar solo begins*

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

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It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!