Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Hey wanna smash pissers?

thumb_up thumb_down -118

Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

thumb_up thumb_down +133

-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down +166

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

thumb_up thumb_down +106

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Still a better love story than Twilight

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Hey girl, I just fuck my diapers, wanna change them ;) Moral: This has to be the one of the worst pickup lines in history.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

thumb_up thumb_down +98

can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

thumb_up thumb_down -174

*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +205

Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

thumb_up thumb_down +137

-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Nice legs what time do they open

thumb_up thumb_down -103

Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

thumb_up thumb_down +147

In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: Seriously just give up, this must be the worst "pickupline" ever

thumb_up thumb_down +105

I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

thumb_up thumb_down -104

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

thumb_up thumb_down -168

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!