Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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You like peanuts? Cause I like penis.

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You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

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Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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I've got candy.

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

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why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

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Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

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-I bet you put extra sugar in your cereal every morning. -Aww, because I'm so sweet? -No. Because you're fat as hell.

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Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

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Wanna have sex?

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

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Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!