HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

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Hey, do you want to dance? No.

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

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So when' the baby due?

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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EVERYONE ELSE

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Man: Hey... wanna join me at my big mansion and have a friendly discussion? Girl: A mansion eh? Well.. sure! At the mansion: Man: MUAHAHAHAHA! I am gonna r@pe you! Girl: NO PLEASE! I am not drun.. uh not ready yet! 5 minutes later: Woman: OUCH! ouchie! That hurts! Stop it! ITS TOO HARD! Man: HAHA AND TAKE THIS GRAPE! AND THIS GRAPE! Oh... never mind this is one has turned a raisin... AND THIS GRAPE!... so uh... anyway wanna move on to the "lovers room" later? Want some more Champagne by the way? AND THIS GRAPE, AND THIS ONE IS REALLY BIG AND HARD! GET READY! Woman: Yeah sure... sigh... just get done with this weirdness already... damn these eccentric millionaires... OUCH! OOF!

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!