(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Want to go out? No

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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Sex?

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!