Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

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-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

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Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

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Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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It rubs the lotion onto it's skin

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!