HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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So when' the baby due?

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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Male: Get in the van.

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Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!