I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

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Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

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Man: Hey... wanna join me at my big mansion and have a friendly discussion? Girl: A mansion eh? Well.. sure! At the mansion: Man: MUAHAHAHAHA! I am gonna r@pe you! Girl: NO PLEASE! I am not drun.. uh not ready yet! 5 minutes later: Woman: OUCH! ouchie! That hurts! Stop it! ITS TOO HARD! Man: HAHA AND TAKE THIS GRAPE! AND THIS GRAPE! Oh... never mind this is one has turned a raisin... AND THIS GRAPE!... so uh... anyway wanna move on to the "lovers room" later? Want some more Champagne by the way? AND THIS GRAPE, AND THIS ONE IS REALLY BIG AND HARD! GET READY! Woman: Yeah sure... sigh... just get done with this weirdness already... damn these eccentric millionaires... OUCH! OOF!

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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I've got a black belt in lovin'.

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!