Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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Get in the van.

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EVERYONE ELSE

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So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!