Soon

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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rohypnol. rape drug

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!