- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Hey can I have your number? No.

Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

The Non Moral method: "Hi I am the jack off all trades and master of none!" Moral: "Yo, I am the jack of no trades, and master of all!" So uh, Anti Pickuplines are pickup lines that do not work... Hmm, I think I get it... Hmm, no I don't...

- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

How much do you like peanut butter?

He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

Lesbihonest

-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book