At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

thumb_up thumb_down +144

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

thumb_up thumb_down -144

Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

thumb_up thumb_down +175

Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

thumb_up thumb_down +118

A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

thumb_up thumb_down -73

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

thumb_up thumb_down -121

Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

thumb_up thumb_down -76

I love you more than my jar of fingers.

thumb_up thumb_down +155

Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

thumb_up thumb_down -155

A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

thumb_up thumb_down -44

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

thumb_up thumb_down +134

Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

thumb_up thumb_down +132

-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Are you a unicorn cause u sure look horny girl:are u a turtle cause ur really slow ur the 10th guy to hit on me.....in 5 minutes

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

thumb_up thumb_down +73

Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

thumb_up thumb_down +218

Lol, waifu and Rebecca are like "do you have to type so much? Come back prince charming... ...I Am all NO! AND CALL ME MASTER BISON. SO ANYWAY SHORT coMMENT SEE? I DONT HAVE TO TYPE AS MUCH! AND NOW THAT THEY ARE ALL LAUGHING BECAUSE OF MY SHEET HERE I JUST KEEP TYPING YOU KNOW BECAUSE THEY ARE HANGING OVER ME AND I CANT MOVE.:: GIrls read this: (not you ladies not yet, I am talking about my gals here) IF YOU WANT ME TO JOIN YOU, MOVE THE FUCK OVER TO EACH OF YOUR SIDES, SO I CAN GET UP, YOU CAN SQUEEZE ON TOP OF EACH OTHER SO I CAN DO YOU BOTH. Lol Rebecca is all like "He is not really posting that stuff right? "Hey Nero you are not going to post that stuff are you? Lol Harris, does your sister know me again? Ps: Dont worry folks, I mean Harris is like my bro from another ho, seriously, I bang his sister, he goes like "THERE IS A GOOD CATCH SON!" And kept giving me the thumbs ups when she liked Anal too much and could not sit. ANYWAYSSSSSSS SHORT COMMENT GET! (Sorry id type more, but I think my dick is alive again... IT MUST DROWN IN THE JUICES OF WITCHES OF ENCHANT! "I wont post this Rebecca? Lol, you know why I do not care about their opinion Rebecca lady" BECAUSE I AM AWESOME, AND THEY ARE NOOOOOOOOOOT! Oh you do not want your bro to know... Rebbeca chan... Your bro just sent me a thumbs ups and "take good care of her bro" Yeah let me put this incredibly good laptop away and show you. Ps: SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOORT!

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -46

cockface

thumb_up thumb_down -98

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!