Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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Welcome to DIE!

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Penis. I got it

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!