So when' the baby due?

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sex me.

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Get in the van.

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Im gonna rape you..

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

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why are you you touching me ????

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!