Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Penis. I got it

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Are your prices by the hour

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!