Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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Are your prices by the hour

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!