all in all it was a good orgy

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!