Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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all in all it was a good orgy

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!