- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S , OFF!"

What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book