TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Hey girl, I just fuck my diapers, wanna change them ;) Moral: This has to be the one of the worst pickup lines in history.

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!