Welcome to DIE!

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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- You look really nice - I know

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On line post: Woman: HELLO! I love you, I am from Russia and find you particularly handsome and rich I am certain you could take care of me and I will do anything for you ;) here are some nice pictures I have never met someone as fantastic as you please contact me! (revealing pictures.gif) additional information: This message has been sent to 100.000 other recipients. FAIL! Moral: And I had not even moved out from my parents home yet... rich enough my ass...

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The below is no anti-pickupline unless you are a Jehova`s witness and want to uh... save my sole or something? Or just read a fun story... Moral: Like pick up lines is something one of them would use... actually they do after I reject their many offers... how? Keep on reading below to find out... its fun, promise. (unless you are a Jehova`s witness...)

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!