(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Eyh! its me Black Metal, I seriously cant pay you right now son! Sorry if this comes late this page do not work for shit, (I bet thats why you pick this page you egomaniac son, If you was not full of em charisma id never do this alright?) Okay Overlord, I got your message, hell you know my sister loves you crazy crazy man, why the hell would I try to "hold her away" I mean fuck its banging, so yeah thumbs ups man High five for my sister, its you know, she was super shy before you showed up, now she cant do gym anymore (haha man you so hardcore) but she has lots of friends and you know... So am I absolved now Overlord Black Metal? Moral: Because this guy made me put this, man, you making me feel like a total bitch, good play son!

thumb_up thumb_down -92

Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

thumb_up thumb_down +167

- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

thumb_up thumb_down +15

I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

thumb_up thumb_down -33

-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

thumb_up thumb_down -67

-Do you like me? -No

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Are your prices by the hour

thumb_up thumb_down -25

hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Hey can I have your number? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

thumb_up thumb_down +121

Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

thumb_up thumb_down +108

A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

greetings clarisse...

thumb_up thumb_down +102

Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -142

Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

thumb_up thumb_down +145

Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

thumb_up thumb_down +73

Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

thumb_up thumb_down +67

-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!