-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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Are your prices by the hour

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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greetings clarisse...

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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Penis. I got it

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!