"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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Hey girl, I just fuck my diapers, wanna change them ;) Moral: This has to be the one of the worst pickup lines in history.

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!