- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

Business Y U No Advertise?

Drunken man: Hey sexy ;) what is such a pretty thing doing in this shitty place? wanna come home with me? Nun: I am a nun! And this is a church! Drunken man: I know dammit im not THAT drunk... so what do you say? Nun: Uh... okay...

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... gets up and leaves Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book