- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

Do you live around here often?

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

Business Y U No Advertise?

How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

Drunken man: Hey sexy ;) what is such a pretty thing doing in this shitty place? wanna come home with me? Nun: I am a nun! And this is a church! Drunken man: I know dammit im not THAT drunk... so what do you say? Nun: Uh... okay...

- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... gets up and leaves Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book